The English Plural by George Carlin
We’ll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn’t the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn’t the plural of booth be called beeth?
Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!
Let’s face it – English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
Neither apple nor pine in pineapple
English muffins weren’t invented in England .
We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes,
We find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square,
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write, but fingers don’t finge,
Grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham?
Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them,
What do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speakingEnglish
Should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship…
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
While a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
In which your house can burn up as it burns down,
In which you fill in a form by filling it out,
And in which an alarm goes off by going on.
ย
Oh so true! ๐
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Clever isn’t he? ๐
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๐
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I have this riff of his on my iPod (along with many others) – love it!
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Reblogged this on Waiting for the Karma Truck and commented:
I hope you enjoy this as much as I do!!
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Well ! That’s food for thought. Brilliant !
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Reblogged this on Danny Breslin and commented:
Following on from yesterday’s post….
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Excellent, I’d only just written a post entitled Communicating in English, I’ve reblogged this as it compliments it perfectly.
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Thanks for the comment and the reblog Danny cheers Judy ๐
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Very Interesting …
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Glad you liked it cheers Judy ๐
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This is amazing!
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So glad you liked it cheers Judy ๐
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I have heard that english is one of the hardest languages to learn–this is a great illustration of why
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Yes I am very glad I learnt when I was a kid. cheers Judy ๐
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Got to love George Carlin – thanks!
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Thanks for the comment cheers Judy ๐
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This is fabulous!
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Glad you liked it. How is Rozie now? cheers Judy ๐
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Words are so, so fun! What a delightful post. Thanks for sharing!
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Thanks for the comment Vicki cheers Judy ๐
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Love it!
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So glad you enjoyed it cheers Judy ๐
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And let’s not even start with being through with that tough cough. I have to figure out how to send this to a Carlin admirer I know.
Love your blog.
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Thank you so much for your kind words. cheers Judy ๐
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Reblogged this on Teacher as Transformer and commented:
I am fan of George Carlin and the way he used language. I know Mimi at Waiting for the Karma Truck re-blogged this for many of you. Here it is for others. Enjoy.
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I’ve recently become a literacy tutor to teach English to immigrants, and I’m finding all the above just a fraction of our crazy language! If it’s hard for us, imagine the complexities for newcomers!!!
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Yep I shudder to think how hard it must be for them. Good luck with the tutoring cheers Judy ๐
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Very funny!
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That’s the Beauty of English language and it is World language.
Enjoyed and curious to go through.
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Reblogged this on sachemspeaks and commented:
A great comedian and thinker, a time when fun was clean!
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Yes he was pretty clever wasn’t he? cheers Judy ๐
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Now I have an excuse, why I can’t speak English well.. ha ha..
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Yes I have heard it is one of the hardest to learn. cheers Judy ๐
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HI Mimi, Loved it. English language can be so funny. ๐ Renee
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Hi Renee, so glad you liked my post. George Carlin is pretty clever isn’t he? cheers Judy ๐
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HI Judy. Yes, George Carlin sure can make one chuckle. Have a great day. ๐
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True AND funny…but they he always was:)
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So glad you liked it. I am a follower of your blog now. It’s great. cheers Judy ๐
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I met a friend on Saturday for lunch and during our conversation she referred to sheeps. I gently corrected her and said that the plural of sheep was – sheep! This post made me smile!
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I know the feeling. I have a friend who always says ‘I and David’ instead of’ David and I’ but I have never had the courage to say anything to her and hurt her feelings. So glad you liked the post thanks for commenting. cheers Judy ๐
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I don’t know of another language except English that requires a plural verb to match a singular subject and a singular verb to match a plural subject.
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too true ๐ cheers Judy
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